Okay the next couple days blur together a little bit. I know at some point I found Fishy's run over by a car water bottle behind our bar and trudged off to Terminal City to return it. I know after I did that I spotted someone I thought I recognized coming out of a camp and sure enough it was Foxfur. We had a quick hug and chat in the middle of the road. I must say it was a little like meeting a celebrity. Here is someone I read about online, see occasional pictures of, and have an idea of who they are in my head, but don't know for sure. I hope he enjoyed meeting me and that I made some sense as I talked because I honestly have no idea what I said to him. I was nervous and hopefully not gushing. I'm pretty sure I don't gush, but you never know.
As Thursday approached I was super excited to go to the Meet n' Greet at Barbie Death Camp. I awoke Thursday with dread in my heart because I was in crazy amounts of pain. I honestly didn't do much and rested a lot but as the MnG approached I knew I needed medicinal help. So I took my pain pills. And promptly fell asleep. Damn. I woke at 7pm in a total panic. My camp mates watched me in shock as I started crying and tore around my tent trying to get dressed quickly and then whined at them to help me get my shoes on. I have never pedaled a bike so fast in my life. My legs felt like noodles as I pulled up at the Mng. I noted in relief that the place was still crowded and in full swing. I then noted in total panic that the place was still crowded and in full swing. I don't do well in crowds, I get a little agoraphobic and overwhelmed. I have a hard time focusing and making conversation when it is noisy and too many people are talking. I don't like to call attention to myself so will often just stay quiet and watch. I did this for about 30 minutes before I found the name tag table. With my name tag on I felt totally different. I felt welcomed and included by default. I felt important enough to speak up and make friends. I started to think that maybe I just needed to always wear a name tag. It felt so wonderful to recognize and be recognized by all the eplayans.
Thank you Jkisha for making the nametags. You will never know how much that made me feel okay and comfortable that evening. Thank you to everyone I got to talk to and who hugged me and made me feel welcome. Who listened to my words as if they were important to them and valued my presence. Maryanimal you were so sweet and lovely. Eric was funny and open. Foxfur his usual adorable self. AntiM brash, loud, and totally funny. Knowmad truly touched me with his words and out of everyone made me feel the most welcome and relaxed. Savannah was as kind in person as she is on the board. MyDearFriend has the best hugs. Fishy was cynical in such a good way and made me laugh. Misa was happy and smiling. And the list goes on. If I didn't mention you then don't worry, you still made an impression and made my Thursday the best day at burning man. Thank you all so much.
The rest of my burn was alternating between extreme bouts of fun with my mates and extreme exhaustion and rest back at camp. I made certain to take four hours out of my day Friday and just ride around taking pictures of everything. I always forget pictures every year and was so happy that I made time this year to go out and capture some memories. I finally got to see the temple burn, I had always had to leave before Sunday in the past and was really moved to be able to watch the temple burn this year. I finally got to do something I had always wanted and place something special in the temple. Though it has been many years since I suffered the miscarriage the memory still had too much power to upset me. I placed the name I had
chosen for my child in the temple and finally said goodbye. Some may not appreciate the temple burn but for me it allowed a certain amount of closure that I had never found before. I have not been able to get pregnant since... so it was important.
As Monday morning dawned the thought finally entered my head that I needed some way to get out of BRC. I needed somewhere to go. I have many family and friends in California as I grew up there and figured that was my best bet. As most my mates were from LA I decided that was the best place to head. Or at least the easiest. I was hoping at some point to see me Gran in Fresno as we are very close and it has been two years since the last time I visited. But I honestly thought that was not going to be feasible. And I needed some way to get all my stuff to LA with me. My camp vowed that they would get me there somehow and we began the process of seeing where me and my stuff fit. Most everyone was leaving the next morning on Tuesday and they figured out that my camp supplies would fit in the big truck they had along. But I still had no where to fit me. No one had room in their cars for a body. At least not a live one.
Keep reading for Part Eight, where I ride in a van like a sardine, spend 3 hours looking for a shower, and break into a car.
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