My Epic Journey Home - Part Three

Let's take a moment to recap so far.

In five days time I have:
-gathered the gas/travel money I raised through the kindness of my family
-packed all my items which are extensive because of my disabilities in one large duffel and a plastic bucket
-tracked down a ride/driver from Virginia to BRC
-waited while he took 7 hours to pack a car with almost nothing useful for Burning Man
-traveled with said driver over halfway across the US listened to him ramble about the most random and crazy subjects non-stop in the car waited while he took pit stops and literally disappeared for an hour or so into a truck stop or Walmart
-hid my annoyance with his disappearing acts and erratic behavior
-tamped down my worry over his drug abuse, non-sleep, and non-eating
-watched a storm approach on the horizon as our car broke down at sunset in nowhere Kansas
-listened to my driver verbally abuse his mother on the phone for 3 hours
-paid for his car to be fixed
-listened as he accused me of saying things and then start arguments with me over them
-talked him out of driving off the road near the salt pans to test out his "performance vehicle"
-done all this on no pain pills as they make me terribly car sick even though my pain level is prolly a 9 at this point


We began our last leg of the journey to Reno. We are sleep deprived. We are dirty. We are irritable and none too fond of the other at this point. I am faking sleep in the car so he won't talk to me. He is getting pissed at me sleeping cause he needs me to keep him amused and awake. For my own safety I humour him. We go through the salt pans in Utah where I have a heart stoping moment as he suggests we off road in his sports car. As if we aren't already spending too much on gas. Oh did I say we? I meant I have spent too much on gas. He has paid nothing up to this point because he won't have any money til he gets paid September 1st. And the bad oil and subsequent break down has cost us an extra $300 more than I originally calculated. He said as a joke when we began the trip that we would end it hating each other. Too late. We aren't halfway through and I already hate him. I just keep thinking Reno will fix this. We will calm down, get some rest, and be on the last golden stretch to the burn.

Miraculously we make it and check into the Sands Resort and Casino on Sunday evening. I'm so excited! The weight on my shoulders lifts and I just feel exhilerated and ready to get to Burning Man tomorrow. I shower and order tons of room service. I check in with my eplaya friend Fishy (the Cryptofishist) as I know she is staying at the Sands as well. She lets me know she is broken down on the side of the road. I worriedly text her back and demand to know if she is alright and if someone is with her. I try to imagine how we will go get her if she needs it. Our car is tiny and filled with pointless crap. She texts yes she is ok and with someone. I calm down, stuff my face, and begin to tally up the travel receipts and make a shopping list. Fishy finally arrives which makes me happy but tells me she is tired and I confirm I am as well. We leave it open ended whether we will meet in the morning.

During all this time my driver is wandering in and out of the room, to go smoke downstairs, but then he'd get lost and turned around in the casino. Every time he returned he appeared more agitated. He ignored the shower and lovely bed. He ignored the food. He set up his computer and worked up an ire over the fact that he couldn't pick up any wifi to get internet connectivity. He noticed me tallying up receipts and seemed to get angry at me over this. He implied I was an idiot and couldn't tally them properly. He took them away from me at this point and started to shuffle them around on the desk. He started to panic about having enough money to get home after the burn. He berated me over and over about the money and what he would have to do to raise more for us. I stared at him in shock for awhile over his outburst and finally interrupted him to let him know we were fine for money and I would of course be able to cover my share of gas on the way home. He then began screaming at me "Then why would you tell me you don't have enough money and let me get all worked up and worried!?!"

I am really tired and confused at this point. I tell him I never said any such thing and ask him to stop screaming at me. I am lying in bed at this point trying to get some sleep. He proceeds to stand over me and call me crazy and yell at me about my lack of intelligence and just generally get verbally abusive. I begin to cry which seems to make him even angrier. He paces, he gesticulates, he screams. I cried and huddled in bed. This continued for about 4 hours. You may wonder why I let this go on. I am not totally sure myself but I can say that I was in shock. In that moment he very much reminded me of an ex-boyfriend. A man who spent two years knocking down my self esteem and verbally abusing me. It took me a long time to get away from him and get my head on straight after that experience. But in that hotel room I fell right back into my victim mentality and let him terrorize me for four hours.

I had been asking the entire time for him to calm down and stop yelling at me. I finally stopped being upset/shocked and got angry. I snapped. I sat up in bed and yelled back at him once and for all to stop screaming at me and to sit the fuck down and maybe even get some sleep. I did scream, but I didn't get out of bed, I didn't make any movements, and I did not threaten him with anything. I am a disabled female crying in a bed.

You would have thought I had just physically assaulted him or pulled a gun on him. He proceeded to shrink back, huddle in on himself, and accuse me of threatening him. He said I was mentally deranged, that he feared for my safety, that maybe he should call the authorities and have a doctor take custody of me. He started to scream at me again, how could I do this to him, how could I keep him from sleeping after he'd been awake 4 days, how could I threaten him. I asked him what the hell he was talking about. How was I keeping him from sleep, how was I a "threat"? He screamed back at me that I was obviously a violent individual, that he feared for his safety, and how could he sleep when he knew I would take the opportunity to stab and kill him? I proceeded to leap out of bed, pick up the phone, and tell him I was calling the cops if he didn't shut up and stop screaming at me. He then went and huddled in the corner. I returned to bed with no idea of what to do. I knew I needed him gone because if he thought I was a threat to him, he would eventually snap and become a threat to me.