My Epic Journey Home - Part One

(To be told in increments, it's a long story. My apologies for any typos.)

I want to share the story of my journey to Burning Man this year. But for me the journey started all the way back at the new year. So many things shaped the eventual way I got to and participated in the burn this year. So many people helped me along the way. I want to tell this story as a thank you to all those people. And as a way for me to process all the many things I experienced along the way as well. If you choose to take the time out of your day and read what I share then I thank you as well.

My year began with a scary diagnosis. 6 hernias in my spine (3 lower lumbar and 3 cervical) as well as numerous other problems. I think I handled it well. I cried for 5 minutes then went back to work. My life began to change in scary ways. On the one hand was the happy news that I finally knew what was wrong with me and that my doctors now knew as well and were taking me seriously all of a sudden. It was nice to not be dismissed anymore. On the other hand, I had to reduce my hours at work and begin physical therapy. I had to begin using a cane and sometimes even a walker. I got a handicap placard for my car. I had to ask for help sometimes even to get dressed or shower. The change that was hardest for me was learning to ask for and accept the help that I so obviously needed. After 6 months of PT and little improvement I had to face the fact that I couldn't work anymore. At least not as I was. I began to train my replacement and then finally in June left on disability leave. It was painful and a relief all at the same time to leave that daily struggle behind. I had spent the last 4 years of my life partly defining myself as an executive assistant though. What was I now?

I spent the first few days of my new work free schedule letting depression and anxiety rule my thoughts. I had been planning since missing Burning Man 2010 (due to the as yet undiagnosed spinal injury and its side effects) to attend in 2011. That hope was beginning to die. I continued seeing my doctors and was referred to a neurosurgeon. The surgeon recommended a triple cervical fusion of the vertebrae in my neck. In July I was in yet another car accident and my surgery had to be postponed until we could get the new swelling in my neck down and take yet another MRI.

At this point I decided I was going to Burning Man even if it killed me. I needed something happy to plan for. You see, I have a deathly fear of hospitals and medical procedures. It is a phobia that grew out of childhood experience. At the age of 11 I spent 2 years watching my best friend wither away in a cancer ward. She survived but the trauma never left me. I knew that without a sufficiently exciting distraction that I would talk my self out of the surgery that I so desperately needed. So you see Burning Man became an important step in my eventual rehabilitation.

I bought my ticket and began the long process of figuring out how to get there. I had little money. I had no credit card. I can't drive for very long. Hell, I can't even sit up for very long. I researched flights. I posted ride shares. I talked
to friends and strangers alike about going with me. Each day that passed was filled with thoughts of the burn and all the details that go into such a plan. I was happy. One day might just be writing a list. Another day, a trip to Goodwill. I sold items I no longer needed on eBay. I did small jobs for my family, like babysit my nephew, to raise money.

I was constantly contacted by interested people for ride shares who would then not respond once I got back to them. My funds were still too low. My disability payments were coming in sporadically and had to be first used to make my health insurance payments. I was frustrated and really worried that maybe I wouldn't be able to go to the burn after all. I was to my horror becoming quite maudlin and self-pitying. I determined to suck it up and just sell my ticket and not go.

Literally right after I made this decision everything changed. My brother and sister-in-law came to me and said that they understood how important the burn was to me this year and knew I needed money. They gave me $600. My parents came back from a trip during which I watched their house and dogs. I did this because they are family and I am happy to help. My father proceeded to pay me $400. I literally fell to the floor and started crying when he gave me the money. All my items sold on eBay and I netted another $160. I now had plenty of money, but no way to get me, all my gear, my clothes, and my bike to the burn. I started to reach out to other people offering rides. I was desperate to go and just needed a ride. I managed to get in contact with one of the Washington DC regional heads and he hooked me up with someone whose ride along had just pulled out on them. I needed a driver and he needed gas money. It also turned out I knew this person as an acquaintance. He was friends with many of my friends and I felt very comfortable after a few long talks about driving across the country with him. Everything seemed to finally be working out.